Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
