i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
