Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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