haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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