waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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