she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
