my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize