Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
