So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we're making bets on your personal life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
