There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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