i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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