My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
