belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
