I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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