Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
