I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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