That's intense
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
