Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
