How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
