Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
