you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
