He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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