You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
