is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
