i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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