woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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