He asked me if I "almost moaned"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
