gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
