I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
