My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
