I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
