i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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