I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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