it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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