I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
