Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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