at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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