Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
