I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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