Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
