party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
