I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
