You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
