She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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