I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just invented taco cereal.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
