i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
