ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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