You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize