You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize