my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
