her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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