No awkward lesbian experiences without me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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