I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
