Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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