I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
