i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
