If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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