you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
