My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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