Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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