That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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