Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
